Thursday, November 15, 2012


Sorry it's been a while and such. I'll try to be more consistent!!

Why is it so hard for us to forgive? Who among us has not been hurt by a spouse or a family member or a co worker or friend, and maybe we have even expressed or forgiveness for their said offense..but have we really given it? I am a sensitive person, my feelings are hurt easily and often and I wear my heart on my sleeve which make me easy to offend. While I see the flaw in this characteristic ...and have had it pointed out by many...I have also learned to embrace the positive side of this. Yes I have to watch from being taken advantage of...but that can easily be fixed by reminding myself..Am I saying yes to doing this because I really WANT to do it, or because I am seeking this persons approval? But perpetually looking for the best in people is kind of a good thing isn't it? Isn't that what God want us to do? Turn the other cheek right? is the tough part. I know that I am supposed to forgive. But let's imagine what unconditional forgiveness would feel like. Does that mean tell the person yet everytime you are around them you feel uneasy? Or you keep repeating the said offense over in your head when you run into them? Or the next time you are in a similar situation you expect bad outcome again?? I don't think that's the idea. When Jesus died for us our slate was WIPED CLEAN. When he sees us He does not think...oh I died for you but there is till that one thing that I really didn't like so I'm not totally over that yet. Nope. Clean slate. Total forgiveness and unconditional forgiveness my friend. Now let's apply that to our own situations. When you are faced with a situation in which you are called to extend that, then remember we are supposed to be living in that image. Our forgiveness is also supposed to be without conditions. Now that doesn't mean that God wants us to continue to place ourselves in unhealthy relationships or situations because he doesn't. He does not expect you to continue unhealthy paths..but there is a tremendous weight lifted from your shoulders when you let go of that. Harboring resentment and old hurt feelings prevents you from moving forward. When you are burdened by the hurt that other people have placed on your shoulders, then you are not offering unconditional forgiveness. That is..I am telling you I forgive you to your face, but I'm really still mad about that thing you did. Keep in mind that the flip side to this is accepting the forgiveness that others have extended onto you. When someone in good faith tells you that they have let that go...and they are following Gods path...then we owe that to them to accept that they have let it go. That means forgive yourself to. Stop beating yourself up about the mistakes and hurt that you have extended. When that unconditional forgiveness has been extended then you are freed from the ties of that.
 Ok, so apply. Maybe you find yourself in a tough relationship right now. You have been hurt and ad not sure how to move forward. In encourage you...let it go. Extend tht forgiveness. Pray this prayer.

Dear Lord. I was very hurt by.......and I have allowed  myself to be vulnerable and trusting and they violated my trust. But I want to let that go. I want to ask for your help in filling me with the ability to forgive them and to forgive their wrong without conditions as you sent your son to forgive us. I ask for your help in lifting this weight from my shoulders and I pray for.......that they may accept my gift of forgiveness and that it may in some way help to soften their hearts and help them see the works of You in my life and how Your strength has allowed me to be freed of this. I pray for........and wish them the love and peace in their life that You have placed in mind. if they know You , then let this be a lesson in Your love and if they do not, let this serve as an opportunity to see Your greatness. Amen

Ok. Let. It. Go. Don't bring it back up, don't hold it over thir heads. Feel free to walk away from the situation, but don't let it define you. We are living out lives in the effort to reflect the almighty love of our Heavenly Father and if He can wipe my slate clean and never look back..then I think I can try to extend the same.

And one more thing.....forgive yourself. God has already done so, and what make us think we know more then He does. :)

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Missed Oppourtunity

As a busy mama of two very energetic girls, i often find myself looking at my days as one big mental checklist. Sometimes that checklist is not only in my mind, bur actually has made it onto paper so i make SURE i dont forget anything. Its very easy in the running of the day to move quickly from place to place, focus on my given task and ignore everything that happens around me. Today, I helpled a friend this morning, ran home, worked on some craft orders, did the dishes, ran to work, taught a class, worked out, ran back home, checked my Emails, ran to my other job site, came home cooked dinner, give baths, read stories, brushed teeth and put the kids to bed. Today was actually kind of a"slow" day. Ha ha. As i am reflecting on what i want to write tonight, i am putting some of my other desired topics aside for now and choosing to address something I think should come first. As Christians we are called by God to be living witnesses to His word and carry that out into the world. Mark 6:14 says " and He said to them, Go out into the world and proclaim the gospel To the whole creation" how many opportunities did I miss to do that today? Had I looked up from my tasks and maybe asked a co worker how they were doing or called and old friend while driving between errands or even started up a conversation with the person behind me at the coffee place, could I have had that opportunity? We are not fact almost never...going to have someone who really needs to hear the word of God come right up to us and ask to hear it. I think we need to actively look for opportunities in each day to show others that light that is in us so they wonder...hmm what is that extra something that makes her so positive? We have opportunities everyday that I think we are often missing be use we are so sidetracked with the necessity of life that we forget the most basic necessity. In sharing God with others, we are growing in God ourselves. Look at that verse again.proclaim the gospel to the WHOLE of creation. Not to those who are going to be really receptive and who we will have a heart felt moment of sharing with. The whole. Everywhere that you go, everyone that you see is an opportunity to share the love of God. You never know when you can be that one person that can change a persons entire life. Even sitting at the doctors office or waiting in line at the grocery store. Some challenge you to look up from your own agenda and proclaim that love, we are called into service and you will be amazed how much richer your own walk will be from doing so. And one more thing,,..never forget that we are a mirror of Christs image. Be aware of the reflection in that mirror.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

The little things

Sometimes when I can't handle the big things I life I begin to focus maybe a little too intently on the little things that I CAN control. How neatly the couch cushions are fluffed, how even the bed spread is, how clean the car is, how tidy the mulch beds goes on and on. For people who suffer from anxiety, it is very difficult for us to feel like life's big situations are not within our control. So we have this funny way of becoming consumed with things that are in our control and that consumption can rally divert you from what Gods LAN for your day are. There is the difficulty in being a women of faith... I know that I am NOT in any way in control of any situation, whether big or little, but sometimes...ok, a LOT of times, my body takes over and seems to forget what my heart knows. Over the years I have been imposing a tremendous amount of guilt on myself about if I was a better Christian, then I wouldn't have these feelings. If I love God and trust Him as much as I do, then I should feel that He is in control of all the areas of my life. Who am I to think that I am so important that anything I can do is gong to change that plan. So there is the guilt. But you knows what? God knows my heart and knows that I love Him and that I trust Him in my deepest depths...and it's OK if sometimes my battles with this anxiety want to try to tell me otherwise.  I don't need to feel bad that I have these feelings. They are just feelings...what is important is how I choose to let them control me. How I respond to those feelings is in my control, even if the fears are not. So I have a new approach. When I feel myself start to get that send of overwhelm, I think of this verse,

 " Many are the plans in the mind of man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand." Proverbs 19:21

So I ask myself this.. Am I worrying about this situation because this is the plan that I have for myself right now, or is this part of the plan that God has made for me. It doesn't really matter how even the cushions are on the couch if I have made straightening them become more important than what I rally need to be focused on throughout my day. And I'm not saying that those little thing s don't need to be attended to in the running of our homes..but take care not to let those little things become too important that you miss out on the Lords purpose for your day, not your own.

And one more thing.....if you are suffering with anxiety as well, then don't ever feel like it is your fault. Like you are failing in your faith because you are filled with worry. We are beautifully and wonderfully made in His image and God made you just the way you are. 

Faithfully anxious

. I want to share my experiences being a longtime sufferer of anxiety disorder while being a follower of Christ. To many, these things are not synonymous. To be a believer means that I should be living free of fear and worry and anxiety for these are all things that come from the devil. Yet here I am. Loving God. Feeling anxious. I often find myself feeling that I have somehow failed at my faith because I can't get rid of the feelings. But here is the thing.. God loves me despite this. He knows where where with these struggles and where my heart lies. Full of faith, full of devotion, full of love...and full of worry. I wish that I could get rid of it, love it away, believe it away. But I can't and I accept that because my God accepts it. Accepts me and accepts my struggles. So here I am Lord, open and honest and willing to let you reveal your works through me. Maybe together we can quiet some of these storms.

Friday, October 14, 2011

I Am A Military Wife....

I have chosen to devote my life to following the service of my husband and following his career wherever it may lead us.
I have left my friends at each new location every three or four years.
I have figured out how to be alone for dinner half of the time.
I have given up my opportunities to have a stable, in tact career and instead have to start over each time that I move.
I have seen my child walk, say words for the first time, celebrate holidays, cry for her Daddy, get sick, get hurt, make a soccer goal, give a dance performance...and I have been the only one that has seen it.

I Am A Military Wife...

I get asked all the time how I can stand to be by myself so much, and I am tired of having to give the answer.
I am hundreds of miles form my closest family member.
My children's grandparents have seen them only a handful of times, and yet I know many people who's child is at their grandparents every time the need a night off.
I have eaten chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese for dinner over fifty times this year.
I have been the brave voice on the phone telling him that everything is fine because that is my job.

I Am A Military Wife......

I have gone without just about everything at times so that my children will never have to want.
I have had to grow out haircuts and give up getting my nails done or my hair highlighted when money was tight between moves.
I have had to get up in the middle of the night dozens of times with my sick babies and then had to get up and go to work.
I have had to wear clothes that are too small/too big/put of style because that is what I have.

I Am A Military Wife....

I have gone through the times of plenty and the times of want.
I have gotten spoiled to the privileges that my husbands career has awarded me and then I have had to learn to be without them.
I have had to struggle to find work because my husbands job comes first and I am limited to the hours that I can find childcare.
I have had to give up precious hours with my children to work to support them.

I Am A Military Wife....

I have sat through church services alone and defeated and cried at the sound of the hymns.
I have had to lean on my neighbors to literally hold me up when I can not stand.
I have had to beg for favors, at all hours of the night when I have ben the only one there.
I can make dinner, wash the dog, vacuum the house, do homework, and talk on the phone at the same time to my deployed husband because that is when he happened to call.
I have carried my phone into the bathroom, work place, case that is when the call comes in.

I Am A Miltary Wife.....

I am the forgotten demographic, the politically neglected.
I am looked down upon because I am the support.
I am felt sorry for by people who say that they know what it is like but who do little to help me.
I am reprimanded for the choice to be the wife.
I am reprimanded for my choice to raise my children myself.

I Am a Military Wife.....

I know how to be brave when I am not.
I am the one who always has to make everything okay for my sad babies.
I am the one who comes last, and I have CHOSEN that role.
I am the dependent, I accept that all that I have been blessed with has come from my husband's job.

I Am A Military Wife....

I have to say no to invitations when I can not afford to attend.
I have had to ask my parents for help.
I have had to cry on the phone to long distance friends who know just how it is.
I have had to learn strength and will power when it seems I have none left.

I Am A Military Wife...

I have chosen my role because I love my husband I love my country.
I will gladly answer to all of those who chose to tell me that my role is meaningless.
I will fight my way to make the best of every situation that I am given because that is what it means to support.
I believe in the right that I have to raise my children and do all that I can to support them however I have to.
I will not feel sorry for myself because of what I have not, but I will give all praise to Almighty God for what I have been given.

I Am A Military Wife....

I am strong when I think that I am weak, I am a voice to the ones who are there with me as well. We are the forgotten causalities, we are the CORE of the family and the ones who have CHOSEN to give up whatever we can give to be there for our husbands and our children.

I AM A Military Wife....

And I have a voice.

Sunday, August 14, 2011


Hello all..I have been absent from the bloggin world for quite sometime as we have undergone some MAJOR changes in the Schukte family. We found out in March that Kevin had received an assignment to Moody Air Force Base in Georgia, and we began the process of making the transition to the south. He is part of the 820th Base Defense Squadron here and is doing deployment training. It is a welcome change to have him on the ground, and even though this assignment will mean deployments, I am going to have him here more often then I did in Maryland. I quit my job at the beginning of June, Merrin finished up first grade and we made our trip down on the 26th of June. We split the trip up into two days, and aside form the dog puking in the car, the trip was not bad at all. We knew that we were going to be purchasing our first home here in Georgia, so that meant that we spent our first 26 days here living in Air Force Temporary Lodging Facility. As awful as that may sound to some, it was actually kind of fun to be there all together. Kevin had a couple weeks off of work and we spent the time exploring our new community, playing games, watching movies, and LOTS of time at the base pool. We found our house here relatively quickly ( it was the seventh house we looked at) and got to move in on the 20 of July. Kevin was already back at work by then, but was able to be here on move in day. Our movers were TERRIBLE and we relieved them of their duties about thirty minutes into the day. Kevin and I moved in everything ourselves, with some help form a couple of buddies with the washer and dryer, and began getting everything set up. Here it is the 14th of August, and we finally finished everything yesterday. This is the house of my dreams. Amazing location, beautiful wood floors, open spaces, room for the kids...everything I could want in a house. I don't want to ever leave it. Merrin started school at Dewar Elementary on the 5th and seems to LOVE her school so far. It is a very nice facility and her teacher seems wonderful and very well suited and accommodating to Merrin and her needs. I am VERY relieved to have that work out for her. I am still waiting to go back to work. Sadly, I am leaving all my years in home childcare and will be working for the new Child Development Center here. I am sad to leave me years at home and I will miss the flexibility and opportunities I had with being at home. However, there is an ABUNDANCE of childcare facilities here and the need for in home care is much smaller. I simply would not receive the business I would need to stay open. After all my years in childcare, i am able to take on a good position and Eden will be in the facility with me in an all day program until she starts kindergarten next year and then will be abel to go to the School Age Program with Merrin. I am sad to not be at home with them anymore, but the childcare programs here are excellent and the opportunity for me to go into the position that I can take here is excellent. I will be able to finish my Child Development degree and have an opportunity to enter the GS system. Kevin's job is going well, he has a lot of leadership opportunities and likes the people he has met. His unit is going through some major transitions right now in terms of structure and leadership and he is anxious to see what the outcome is as things are handed over. The girls are loving it here, they ADORE the house and having their own rooms, and I think that they have enjoyed having me home for the summer with them which was a rare and precious opportunity for me. I have loved the chance to be here with them and get to spend precious time with them before I go back to wokr. The city of Valdosta is adorable and the older part of the city has a quaint and charming streetfromt. There are many of the things that we are used to, there is a mall, and lots of restaurants and Target and HOBBY LOBBY, as well as a $1.99 movie which we love. There is less in terms of constant entertainment then we had in MAryland, but the chance to be at home together and play board games and sit on the porch is good for us. I have had lots of crafting time while waiting to return to work and have caught up on several scrap[booking prjects. We have taken one day trip to Atlanta to the aquarium and are taking the girls to Tamp next weekend for Merrins birthday. We are doing well here, and adjusting to the many changes and new way of life. We have tried a few churches out, and have some others that were recommended to us by friends still to try before we make our permanent decision on our church home. People ehere are so gracious and loving and sweet and much more friendly. Change is always hard, especially for those of us who have, shall we say, control issues.....but I am adapting. there are days that I miss Maryland and that I miss my friends and the things that I was used to ..but that is life. Move gives and opportunity to find new things abort yourself and experience new parts of life ad new parts of our family. God has an ultimate plan for us, and when I feel frustrated, I remember that. I am grateful for my amazing home, that Kevin and I have been blessed with work and that I have the amazing abundance of Gods calming hands to help me adjust. And one more thing....there are LOT of gnats here. Its funny no one mentions that part to you....

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Why I Cant Stand Lady Gaga... good it feels to be able to have ten uninterupted minutes to write. I have not been able to post aything in FAR to long. Things are getting crazy, crazy, crazy. We are moving to Georgia in SIX WEEKS!!!! and there is always much to do....alas, I am finally getting a posting up. What's been on my mind lately....hmm, what isnt. I plan to write on the subject of public schools, judgement, Gods plan for marriage, raising posetive children in a negative world and many more other thought provoking subjects but not is LADY GAGA.


First and for most, as a musician myself, I respect an artists need to perfect and present thier given art form in a method of thier choice. The way that she performs is her agenda, and a matter of taste. To each his own. NOT to mine. I can not stand her voice, I think that she sounds like she is whining and screaming. I can not stand her subject matter, nor can i stand that the music is SOOOO repetitive that people are always playing and singing it. That is my personal opinion. I have my own musical preference. I like Ray Lamontagne, Rufus Wainwright, Tori Amos, Luka Bloom, Dar Williams..many singer/songwriter types. And I LOVE Radiohead and most all classic rock, especially LED ZEPPLIN. That is my choice in music, and not everyone is going to agree with my preferences either. And the great thing about music is that there is so much variety and genres for us to choose from. Music speakes to us as individuals in many different ways and our reasons for connecting with a piece or an artist can vary from just liking the sound, to appreciating the lyrics, to marveling at the level of musicianship.

Why I cant stand Lady Gaga:

She is a gimic. She does things for shock value. She is self centered and likes attention. Why else would you dress like that? Why would you wear a dress made of meat or enter an award show in a giant bubble? She is going for shock value, for outrageous reactions and to me that is an insult to the music industry. People know more about her outrageous antics and her shocking outfits then they do about her music. She is more concerned about the performance aspect then letting her music sell itself. ( not that i would like it any more, but im just sayin...)
Pop music in general is a HUGE disappointment to me. Most of the artist do not write thier own music, many of them are not classically trained musicians who play thier own instruments. I realize that this is not ALL true, but in many cases it is. Artists like Lada Gaga, Britney Spears, Katy Perry,Christina Aguilara.and many others are in the business for the entertainment value. In my opinion, the music is not really that good, not really that original, and is mostly marketed on the premises of sexual promiscuity, revealing costumes and lavish concerts. But that being said, I can tolerate some of the other pop princesses more then Lady Gaga.What is the need for all the crazy behavior?? Its a cry for attention. Dont give me the excuse that she is just expressing herself...if you walk into an award show in a giant egg incubator YOU ARE ASKING FOR ATTENTION.!!!! I CANT STAND IT.Give me a man and a guitar. No fancy lights, no sequins, no aluminum foil hats and meat dresses. I want to hear THE MUSIC. When it is just about the music and the soul of the song and the heart of the performance. I dont need a fancy gimic to get me to listen, I just want to hear someone PLAY and play from a deep and genuine place and then the music will speak for itself. Give me Paul Simon, Crosby Stills Nash and Young, Joni Mitchell, Fleetwood Mac, Carly Simon...even Jason Mraz, David Gray, Ryan Adams. Lets get back to sweeter, organic sound. Thats not to say that I only like singer/songwriters. I LOVE Radiohead...but they are all classically trained musicians. There sound is organic, original and they dont come onto stage wearing outrageous costumes and carrying boa constrictors. The music speaks for itself. This is just my opinion, and you of course are entitled to yours. And one more thing....why in the world does she go by Lady Gaga anyway?