The Mom Contest

Mothers are competitive beasts. The expression "Mama Lion" didn't come from no where. Mothers are protective, instinctive and if need be vicious. I have been thinking a lot lately about the amount of competition that there is between mothers. Most of the women in my life are mothers and when we get together our topic of conversation often turns to our children. I find it very interesting how fast we all need to get our story told about our own personal experience. When you are around a woman that has just had a baby, you can but that all the other mothers sitting around her are going to be telling each other how longs their labor was and what position they gave birth in and what their baby looked like when it was finally born. We cant help ourselves. We are proud of our hard work and are anxious to feel that " mothering connection" with all the other Mommy's in the neighborhood. This is not really what I mean by " The Mom Contest".....As children grow they make various developmental progressions. some of them start walking earlier then others, take to potty training easier then others, sleep through the night sooner, talk sooner, talk better, sit up, roll over, recognize letter, learn to read.... Why is it necessary that we mother find a need to define our worthiness as human being by how quickly our children meet these milestones? Does it really matter that your child started reading before mine? Does this make your child somehow smarter and is this somehow indicative of their successfulness in life? Moms have this crazy need to out do each other. Somehow the idea is that our kids reflect the kind of person that we are, and how good of a job we are doing. My Merrin is known for her outrageous statements and ideas and has many times come out with things in social settings that have gotten me many disgruntled looks by other mothers, as if to say " What kind of mother would let her child say/do that??" Oh my gosh. I am failing all of her social/emotion/physical/cognitive development because she sings a song about vaginas as we walk through Target. What I am really thinking in this moment is I am grateful that she knows the correct anatomical name for her body parts and does not call it by some nickname. Why do mothers care SO MUCH about what other mothers are doing. I think it comes down to the fact that mothering is most of our full time jobs. Therefore, the impact that we get form the world is our job review. I know a lot of parents that have a lot of input into what their kids wear. Somehow, the outfits that we dress them in show how good we take care of them..therefore the better the clothes, the more successful the parenting. I have let my kids go to grocery in snow white costumes and rainboots. They were mismatched colors, clothes that they love so much they refuse to grow out of, and Merrin loves to tuck her t shirts into her short. ( and we all know how cute that look is..) I don't let my kids go out dirty, then are always clean and usually matching if it is an important occasion, but mostly I don't really care if they wanna wear what they pick out. I am fostering their self exploration and their sense of confidence. There are so few choice in childhood, why control this one too. Anyhow....this extends to myself as well. I am a full time daycare provider and usually travel in herds. There are days that I have dried up boogers on my shirt, crusted over play doh, splattered spaghetti sauce and paint in my hair. Do the other mom look at me and think, " Wow, she looks like she really had fun interacting with her kids today!"..maybe some do... but I get more looks that say" Wow, she could certain have put a little more effort in." WHY??? WHO CARES!!!!! I am a firm believer in attachment parenting, I raised both my girls this way and I stand behind it. I never sleep trained, we co slept in my bed and I held them in slings all the time. I nursed them until they quit on their own and neither girl ever drank a botttle. THis is my parenting approach. It works for ME. I know MANY other styles of parenting that have ben equally successful and all of our kids turned out JUST FINE. Next time you ask a mom why she let her baby sleep in her bed with he, consider why does this really matter to YOU??? HWy do we have to spend so much time caring about the way that other people raise their kids, that we neglect to look at the way we are raising our own. It is better to examine the grass in your own backyard before you look over the fence at your neighbors.and one more thing.....those moms in the pretty little perfect looking outfits, when your kid comes to give you a big messy hug leaves handprints all over you,and you look like you wanna cry. I'll be sitting happy in my booger covered, play doh crusted sweatshirt and smiling.